Peer review (Choedden)

I think you have picked a very interesting and unique topic. So far you have done a great job of elaborating on your essay topic. Firstly, I like that in your introduction you provide a brief background on the conflict between Tibet and China. I also like that you defined the term “self-immolation” in your introduction instead of going straight to your thesis statement because some people who are reading your essay might not know what the term means. I like that you have clearly stated the thesis statement at the end of your introduction, it straight forward and gets straight to the point. Secondly, I like that in the body paragraph you go more into depth about the topic and provide further background information on China and Tibet. One thing that I would do differently is the quoting. Every time you mention a quote, you write: in the article ___, the author ___ states___. I think it would be better if you just write the quote, and then, in the end, mention the author’s name and the article’s name in parenthesis. To answer your questions, I think all your information is very relevant but you can break it up into shorter paragraphs. For example, in the third paragraph, starting from “many of the other self-immolators…” could be made into a new paragraph. Other than those points, I think you have done a great job so far with your essay.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OZEBL6c_ZDQCqMNQprSAddWQhs7xMUg8vi2_01l6pzc/edit